On what-if relationships, long-term commitment, and fantasies of second chances
If you had to choose between a love frozen in time or a love crushed by it, which one would you choose and why?
This is the main question posed by the 2025 movie Eternity. And while the movie gives us a straightforward answer, in real life, nothing is so simple.
Second chances remain largely hypothetical, which is why they’re so alluring. You cannot help but be curious about a parallel universe where your love flourished.
Eternity is a story about love. But it goes a step further by making us ponder the different versions of ourselves, the meaning of happiness, and the choices we make.
Note: The essay discusses the film’s central premise and outcome.
Choosing a what-if
Most people carry at least one unresolved relationship. They cannot let go of the memory, not because it was exceptional, but because it was never tested by time.
What-ifs are tempting. Especially if you’re lonely or if you think that was your best shot at lasting love. Or, as is the case in the movie, if death stood in the way, and your mind has crafted an immaculate story around them.
The problem with what-ifs is that they never get a real test. Fortunately for the protagonist, her what-if spent decades waiting for this.
But while a second chance promises resolution, it rarely delivers it.
Eternity treats the what-if’s first six months of love as ultimate happiness. We are presented with that passionate, fairy tale experience most romantic movies and books focus on — our main reason for seeking love in the first place. There’s nothing quite like that serotonin ride. Unfortunately for all the dreamers, that ride has an expiration date. And what happens after it determines whether or not you can stand each other till death does you part.
Even if you get a second chance, in between, life has likely taken its toll on you. The more time has passed, the more apart you’d find yourselves. And oftentimes, the gap is too big to erase.
That’s why Joan shut herself into her ordinary past. A past that spread across 65 years of intimacy and communication work. She didn’t realize it at first, but starting over from scratch was never an option.
In a parallel universe, she spent those 65 years with Luke, and they went on to have their eternity. But in this one, their what-if remained largely untested.
A what-if in real life
If this movie made you think of your what-if story and your hand is itching to check on them, take a step back.
Consider your reaction and ask yourself: why this, and why now?
“Sometimes, when we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t our partner we are turning away from, but the person we have become. We are not looking for another lover so much as another version of ourselves.”
― Esther Perel, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity
The words ring true even if you’re not in a relationship.
The younger you are in your what-if story, the more curious you’ll likely be to give it another go. Occasionally, everyone wants to go back to a time where they could ignore consequences and responsibilities.
But that version of you is long gone. And as Joan says in the movie:
“Maybe the beauty in life is that things end.”
Choosing one great ordinary love
Eternity is a vague concept to a human, but 65 years of marriage sound quite like it. This love has receipts, taxes, and likely a few skeletons in the closet. It’s more accountable than poetic. And that makes it undesirable in a world that rewards novelty, freedom, and choice.
If you’ve already spent decades with one person, would you want to spend another eternity with them?
65 years is a fertile ground for a never-ending war of resentment and boredom. You become each other’s comfort zones. So, you might still wonder — Who else is out there? What have I missed? And isn’t it time to make a change?
If marriage feels like shackles you can’t get out of, choosing another Eternity might be just what you need.
But dedicating such a huge part of your life to this one person is no coincidence. For roughly 23,725 days, you kept choosing them and they you. You’ve done the work and likely reached a rare level in your relationship with a sound foundation of communication, trust, and consideration. It might not sound exciting, but there’s no one more perfect to spend eternity with.
Choosing no one
There is always the option of cutting ties and going your own way. In some cases, this is a rational choice. More often, choosing no one is less about freedom and more of a response to unresolved discontent without having to confront its source.
Love requires sustained exposure to another person’s needs, limits, and contradictions. In a world shaped by filters, online dating, and trauma, opting out can feel like the safer strategy. Solitude isn’t superior, but it does reduce friction.
That said, long-term solitude rarely expands your perspective. It tends to preserve it. Without the pressure of negotiation, compromise, or disappointment, the self remains largely unchallenged.
Choosing no one minimizes risk. It also minimizes transformation. What it protects in comfort, it often forfeits in depth.
When were you your happiest?
In the movie, souls revert to their form when they were happiest. What would that look like for you?
For many, that’s understandably childhood — a magical stretch of time without workdays, taxes or responsibilities. That said, it’s a period without much control over what you do and where.
For others, that’s undeniably their first big love. But that’s unlikely to be a happy story. As we clash with our big romantic feelings for the first time, we rarely have the tools to navigate the tunnel of love smoothly.
In any case, happiness is fleeting. Most of your life will be everyday boredom, logistics, and troubles. There will be happy moments, but you’ll gather them carefully like a collector’s treasure over years of grumpy mornings and disappointments.
Your happiest self is composed of a million things that were, things that are, and some things that have not yet come to pass. Do not reduce it to a single moment in time.
Spending an eternity with one person
It’s a choice two people have to make. Essentially, it’s the choice of marriage. Would you spend the rest of your life with this one person?
Few choices shape your daily life more than the decision to share it with someone. That determines your days, nights, holidays, problems, children, and opportunities, to name a few. And you have to accept the possibility of a poor decision and still live with the consequences.
Is there only one right choice?
Probably not. Most people don’t arrive at lasting partnerships by choosing perfectly. They simply choose to stay long enough for fantasy to erode and reality to take its place.
Any experienced love becomes part of your personal eternity, not because it was ideal, but because it was lived. Memory preserves intensity. Time preserves consequence.
Eternity shows you the limits you are willing to accept, again and again. Who you spend eternity with is not a romantic decision. It is a mutual agreement to remain inside a shared set of constraints, with open eyes.